Boy's Who Wait.

             

Today, the most interesting thing happened to me... but before I go into the beautiful story of how my heart is bleeding with hurt and confusion, I must introduce a boy who I find incredibly interesting and intriguing, and lets call him Lancel Lanister (Yes, I just begun the wonderful experience of watching Game of thrones, best distraction I ever indulged myself in... very stimulating show; and I mean that literally). He's tall, blonde, a little chubby and fairly good-looking. Infact, I shall cut to the chase - I like him.

                 I had a talk with my dear friend Anister, she told me a story of a couple. An Indian boy and a Vietnamese girl who loved each other very much but couldn't get married because of the conflicting views and "cultural" traditions of theirs but they waited 15 years until their family finally gave approval. First of all, "WTF?!? 15 bloody years? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" well, isn't love a bitch? Well, I'm in the same situation... not 15 years, dear heaven I can't even have a relationship that's stable AND last more than a few months. But this boy I like is totally different from me, physically, spiritually, culturally, f**k even our skin colors are at each end of the spectrum... not kidding.

                  Don't ask me why I like him, all I know for now is that he motivates me and intrigues me (I hope that counts). I'm scared because I value my culture, my parents... and they wont approve of my "like"-life but I want to be as happy as a bird. Boohoo sad story. But frankly I get their point of view so I want to be a good little girl and just make sure I'm doing a reasonable thing. Then all this got me thinking... if besides our pressing differences we do  like each other, will he be willing to wait (Goodness gracious, your dirty little minds, I don't mean sex, I MEAN date me). If he is, ours will be a love story cuter than any damn Disney story published in all of time... or if he doesn't like me, Boohoo, haha... just take me a few months and I should be OVER AND OUT. But dang, months... sh*t! Anyway even if he does like me, he's not obligated to wait because seriously, only people in love take risks... usually.

                 Anywho, mi amors, do you know that one person that can wait? SERIOUSLY, lets even bring it down to the nitty gritty sex part, what if you wanted to wait and you felt like you need more time? Or... do people now just want to bang whether or not their dating? Oh, too bad, we're sex-driven human beings and the sexually-rational/decisive human beings have dwindled down to a mere 0.099%. Okay, well boys and girls, lads and lasses, lords and ladiess, men and women, old sexually-active people... find that person who can wait. They say love is blind, I don't believe that, it might elude itself some certain truths, shut its senses from some revelations but it is never blind. So well in short, if you don't know anyone like that, find that person who's love for you is 'time-blind'.

I wanna make babies

I have been brought up in the kind of environment where making babies (or even the process of making babies) isn't really what is discussed until you get married. So, I am assuming on the day I get married my mom will give me "Ze talk" but seriously would I need "ze talk"?

My brothers and I are fairly open about things that make our parents cringe. And today while randomly talking my brother asked me if I wanted to have natural birth. And I lied saying, I will hold that thought until I find someone I can make babies with. But the truth is I have thought about it! I definitely have. 

The truth is as a women, I believe that I have this natural instinct which makes me want to make babies, and nurture and feed. In one of my classes we were talking about how immortality is one thing that humans strive towards and for women immortality is from giving birth to off-springs while for men immortality is from leaving a name behind through accomplishments and victories.

I wonder if my wish to make babies has anything to do with my human strive for attaining immortality. Maybe subconsciously I am a part of the same struggle as my fellow beings, trying to leave a mark. There are so many things I have already decided about for my kids. I know how I will dress them and where I will take them for vacations and what books I would want them to read.

Giving birth must be such a beautiful feeling. To make a new life in your body, to bring a new life in this world. To know a life before it is even familiar with itself. To see the little eyes open for the first time, and to hold the little being for the first time.

I can't help but want that beautiful feeling. I don't know how long I will be waiting for my baby. But some days I really do feel like I already know my kids. Like I can almost see them in front of my eyes. I feel like I love them. I pray for them whenever I think of them.

It's weird to love someone who doesn't exist, but I guess this is what giving birth is all about. A part of new life already exists inside of me, it is with me. I can feel its presence. Someday, InshAllah, I will hold it in my hands. And see it breath in front of my eyes.

As for the other part of the new life that exists in me, I haven't found it yet. I am sure its walking around somewhere on this planet right now. Living life, moving on.

-Hanging toothbrushes

P.S Just in case anyone is wondering, yes I do want to have natural birth.