My brothers and I are fairly open about things that make our parents cringe. And today while randomly talking my brother asked me if I wanted to have natural birth. And I lied saying, I will hold that thought until I find someone I can make babies with. But the truth is I have thought about it! I definitely have.
The truth is as a women, I believe that I have this natural instinct which makes me want to make babies, and nurture and feed. In one of my classes we were talking about how immortality is one thing that humans strive towards and for women immortality is from giving birth to off-springs while for men immortality is from leaving a name behind through accomplishments and victories.
I wonder if my wish to make babies has anything to do with my human strive for attaining immortality. Maybe subconsciously I am a part of the same struggle as my fellow beings, trying to leave a mark. There are so many things I have already decided about for my kids. I know how I will dress them and where I will take them for vacations and what books I would want them to read.
Giving birth must be such a beautiful feeling. To make a new life in your body, to bring a new life in this world. To know a life before it is even familiar with itself. To see the little eyes open for the first time, and to hold the little being for the first time.
I can't help but want that beautiful feeling. I don't know how long I will be waiting for my baby. But some days I really do feel like I already know my kids. Like I can almost see them in front of my eyes. I feel like I love them. I pray for them whenever I think of them.
It's weird to love someone who doesn't exist, but I guess this is what giving birth is all about. A part of new life already exists inside of me, it is with me. I can feel its presence. Someday, InshAllah, I will hold it in my hands. And see it breath in front of my eyes.
As for the other part of the new life that exists in me, I haven't found it yet. I am sure its walking around somewhere on this planet right now. Living life, moving on.
-Hanging toothbrushes
P.S Just in case anyone is wondering, yes I do want to have natural birth.
I wonder if my wish to make babies has anything to do with my human strive for attaining immortality. Maybe subconsciously I am a part of the same struggle as my fellow beings, trying to leave a mark. There are so many things I have already decided about for my kids. I know how I will dress them and where I will take them for vacations and what books I would want them to read.
Giving birth must be such a beautiful feeling. To make a new life in your body, to bring a new life in this world. To know a life before it is even familiar with itself. To see the little eyes open for the first time, and to hold the little being for the first time.
I can't help but want that beautiful feeling. I don't know how long I will be waiting for my baby. But some days I really do feel like I already know my kids. Like I can almost see them in front of my eyes. I feel like I love them. I pray for them whenever I think of them.
It's weird to love someone who doesn't exist, but I guess this is what giving birth is all about. A part of new life already exists inside of me, it is with me. I can feel its presence. Someday, InshAllah, I will hold it in my hands. And see it breath in front of my eyes.
As for the other part of the new life that exists in me, I haven't found it yet. I am sure its walking around somewhere on this planet right now. Living life, moving on.
-Hanging toothbrushes
P.S Just in case anyone is wondering, yes I do want to have natural birth.
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